The American #1: Portrait of the Tea Party or How An Old Man Changed My Life

Hi, friends! Over the next few years, I will be posting a series of blog posts called The Americans: Portraits of Our Unknown Neighbors. It's dawned on me recently that since the start of this divided nation, we Americans have gone abroad to find ourselves. We assume that foreigners with ideas contrary to ours only exist in Europe even though just as many strange strangers live a few miles away from out hometowns. I myself have never bothered to drive to Georgia and hang out with some jazz musicians. I long to experience Europe, but I need to seek my own country men out too. In this series, I will interview a different "American stranger" every week. Through this experiment, I hope to not define Americans as a group of people with similar ideals and practices but as a series of subgroups with a variety of customs, colloquialisms, and philosophies. By reading about my discoveries of America, readers will also experience how I find myself.

The Americans #1: Dallwyn Merck

When I walked to Union Square last Friday, I planned on having dinner with a homeless man. Instead, I met "the founder of the Tea Party." People associate Union Square with New York icons such as the Empire State Building and Times Square. Lately, critics have deemed these icons as corporate magnets that "Disneyfy" formerly culturally diverse urban landscapes. I myself always wonder what it would have been like to walk off the six and see Max's Kansas City instead of Whole Food and Chipotle; however, just a few days ago, I walked into Union Square and was assaulted by an array of odd and quintessentially New York situations.

In a circle, stood sketchy DVD salesmen who hollered down film fanatics they recognized to buy a rare Song of the South DVD, college kids who expected other college kids to drop twenty bucks on hand sewn gloves, artists who sold beauties for five dollars the Met may one day pay a million dollars for, and dance groups who danced to Michael Jackson the other hustlers (or should I say Americans?) hate. In the words of one DVD salesman, "those dancers won't last here for one more day." In other words, within a circle, stood an array of Americans.

I walked throughout the square as I tried to figure out who I should feature on my blog this Sunday when suddenly I stood in the middle of a protest against the NYPD. I pounced on them. "What's going on? Who are you protesting?" I asked a man handing out fliers. "The NYPD." Immediately, I know what he's talking about. (If you haven't read the Village Voice's coverage of the NYPD homeless murders, you should.) I took the pamphlets he handed me and proceeded to ask other members of the assembly why they're protesting and what brought them to the park. Unfortunately, they just tried to hand me a sign to hold, so I jumped in front of the crowd to snap shots of the oncoming march and the grumpy NYPD members forced to watch. Before I could get a picture, a rambling old man who wore ear muffs and carried tote bags jumped in front of my lens. "Finally, I found a homeless man!" I think. Fortunately, I found a Tea Partier.

"Let's start a Tea Party! That's what we need!" He shouted, inciting my inner writer's glee. As I turned my camera toward him, he came right at me. "Who are you with?" he demanded. I explained to him that I'm not with the protest but am writing an article for a blog. He then asked me "Who are they with?" Again, I explained that I'm not sure. I'm just walking through the park. He scoffed at me, laughing as he speaks to me in an accent that's not quite New York and not quite anything else either. "They're always organized!" He took the flyer I got from a protester and then began to point his finger in my face. "See, they organized it! They're always organized!"

Me: "Um, who are you?"

Dallywyn Merck: "The founder of the Tea Party!"

Me: I mean what's your name?

Dallywyn: Dallywyn Merck.

Me: Dwight Merrick?

Dallywyn: No, no, no. Dallwyn Merck! D-a-l-l-w-y-n M-e-r-c-k, the treasury secretary of the Queens Libertarian chapter.

Me: I didn't know New York had a lot of Libertarians. It's a pretty liberal place.

Again, he laughed, mocking me.

Dallywyn: We're the second largest chapter in the whole United States! We're the main bulk of the party. We're the most active chapter... There's none in the Bronx.

Me: Why not?

Dallynwyn: They don't organize! You know, certain people want to get rid of us, like JP Morgan because we are a potential threat to Morgan Stanley.

Me: What's J.P. Morgan worried about?

Dallywyn: Well, that we're educating and organizing!

Over the next half an hour, Dallywyn educated me on a history of the world I had never heard about. Did you know Marx was a fascist and Sweedish fascist took Obama on a trip and they control him? Neither did I. He learned this on his many travels around the world. He's lived "everywhere," specifically Germany, Sweeden, and Denmark. I could sit here and dispel these obvious fallacies. After all, J.P. Morgan died in the early twentieth-century. However, I see something much more interesting, sad, and wonderful about Mr. Merck.

Throughout our conversation, he kept on telling me how the government set up public schools to brain wash "kids like" me. I would have loved to tell him how Fox News brainwashed him but what proof did I have of that? I was just making assumptions the way he made assumptions that the liberal government had taken control of me. He rambled on and on, but beneath it I saw something I see at home when I dine with my dad: anger. Sure, Mr. Merck took Ayn Rand's words a tad too literally, but he had a right to be mad at the government. Too be blunt, shit's been pretty fucked up the last few years. "What's the differance between Rhynos and Demos," he asked. His answer: "nothing." He made a valid point. A lot of Democrats corrupt our government as much as Republicans.

He might have misdirected his anger at Barack Obama, someone who wasn't a national figure ten years ago, but it's beautiful that he sees a solution to this mess, even if his solution caused these problems in the first place, and dreams of a "true republic governed by the people." Despite his old age, he believes the world could and will be a better place where corruption no longer exists. I'm eighteen and until I spoke to him thought world piece was hippie bullshit. Through all the darkness, he sees the light. He says he always lived his life this way. Apparently, he beat cancer without medicine. I don't believe or disbelieve him, but in his seventies or eighties, Mr. Dallwyn Merck, a Queens native, still believes in his dreams. What's more American that that?

The Reinvention of Mister Kanye West

At the end of every decade, established artists who aren't named Sade either reinvent themselves, die of an overdose, or fade into VH1 reality stardom. Following Taylorgate, many bloggers expected Kanye to disappear or do some major damage control. I thought he'd just return to how he was before he drank too much drink on MTV. Everyone was wrong. Mr. West has reemerged as an artistic king of the interweb by dominating Twitter, releasing a new song every week, and getting unapollagetically artsy. He made a "painting" instead of a video for "Power" and hasn't edited himself for comercial prosperity. WallMart banned his album cover (Google it. It's awesome!) and instead of appologizing, he tweets "Banned in the USA!!! They don't want me chilling on the couch with my phoenix...In all honesty … I really don't be thinking about Wal-Mart when I make my music or album covers #Kanyeshrug! So Nirvana can have a naked human being on they cover but I can't have a PAINTING of a monster with no arms and a polka dot tail and wings." Has the future Diddy become the future Beck? WTF! All I can say is I'm loving it and so glad TayTay one that award. Because otherwise we wouldn't be seeing this:

http://twitpic.com/2ykxjk

LONG LIVE KING WEST!

TIDBITS!!!!

1.) I am on the swim team. Yes, 138 pound six foot two me IS ON AN ATHLETIC TEAM. I suck and it feels so good to suck. I'm neurotic and a perfectionist. I even alphabetize my bookshelves by author and genre. I don't believe in secrets. I hate SUCKING also. Nearly naked in a pool swimming, you can't hide shit. AND IT FEELS SO GOOD. I am just letting myself do me. Just living. It's nice.

2.) Ke$ha already has a new CD coming out. Gaga waited a year for the second half of The Fame. Her bonus disk was VERY different. Dearest Ke$ha, you are not Gaga, your new song sounds the same. Change it up or get on VH1. Please change a tad. I like you a lot. Love, Mitchell

3.) I would never wear high fashion (because I'm cheap) but their window displays on 5th Ave are so interesting! So fun to see how they try to sell stuff and the beauty of it all!

The Strange and Tragic Return of Boy George

Mark Ronson and Boy George have created the best song and music video of this year. Watch this RIGHT NOW and I dare you to try not to cry. You will fail: http://www.aceshowbiz.com/video/download/00015155/

Five years ago, I watched Boy George's E! True Hollywood Story with my late grandfather. Midway through the program, my grandpa said to himself, "He could have had it all. One of the most beautiful voices but he did too many stupid drugs." I had never thought about it but Boy George does have not only an emotive, and uncanny voice, but he also wrote some of the most beautifully melancholic dance songs of all time. Of course "Karma Chameleon" and "Do You Will Want to Hurt Me" have been thrown into the New Wave guilty pleasure collection, but at their heart, more so than any overrated Cure song, these songs are poetic confessions about loneliness. Sadly, pop culturalist have written more about his make up than his lyrics. Enjoying his fame, the lonely Mr. George confused drugs and leaches with love. In the last twenty-years, he's flipped floped from hipster London DJ and musical lyricist to drug addicted reality TV has been. Instead of jumping on a flight to LA to record Britneyesque tunes with Dr. Luke (I'm looking at you, Cyndi Lauper), Mr. George has collaborated with Mark Ronson on a song that doesn't hide anything. He blatantly says he's a has been that searched for love in all the wrong night clubs. He just wants "somebody to love" him. For someone who always hid behind makeup, it's compelling to hear him open up and not leave anything a secret. You HEAR HIS SADNESS. You HEAR HIM MELODICALLY ACHE. Now, go watch the brilliant video that combines his current state to his past, showing that the has been and the star are forever intertwined. He rose and fell for the same reasons. Perhaps, by revealing this flaw, he may finally take the place along Whitney Houston, Bob Dylan, and John Lennon that he deserves to have. I'm rooting for you, Mr. George, go get them, tiger!

Confession: I Kind Of Dig Obama But Hell He Needs to Hire Him Some Better PR!

I hold a lot against Obama because he kind of sort of DID screw Hill Dog over. In my mind, the Clintons should have a monarch. I LOVE THEM THAT MUCH. I also thought he did too little to boost the economy and his health care was both good and whach. After reading his Rolling Stone interview and going to a career counseling session, I realized he put in place a lot more great bill than I thought he had. Did you know the only industries hiring tons of people today are social networking, home land security, and health care. Two of sectors are hiring because of Mr. Obama's policies! I felt uninformed even though I read the NYT daily. Yet, with Tea Party mania (I pray to God nightly that they don't get to repeal health care and the economic bills. Have they ever taken an economics class? GAR!) I'd like to know why he waited THIS FUCKING LONG TO DEFEND HIMSELF! I know he's a great speaker and prefers to act like a diplomat BUT GO OUT THERE AND FIGHT IN PUBLIC, NOT JUST IN WASHINGTON! He let the Tea Party damage his name. Get as feisty as those bloody Thomas Jefferson wannabes, O!

Once Upon A Time In Alphabet City

I was standing on a rooftop in alphabet city over the weekend with a group of strangers. They were lamenting and celebrating the upcoming death of post-modernism. The movement's gone strong for over thirty years but in the last ten years it's been gasping for a final breath. As young adults, they were excited to make the next bold movement, to create the next thirty year's cultural media and cultural commentaries. Every art critic has been pondering what the next movement will represent and what post modernism meant itself. In the seventies, it displayed irony galore but over time it got so fragmented and pastiche that it offered barely any cohesiveness. This made me wonder, "could nothing come after post-modernism? Could our culture have become so diverse, so multicultural, full of so many subcultures that culture no longer exists? Could we be living in a world where the only culture is the culture of "I?"Even in remote areas, teens have the connection to a vast sea of sub cultures and identities that they can pull from a closet of concepts and invent their own identity. When critics can barely define post-modernism, how could they define a new wave in the era of post-emo bloggers who cage fight on the side and work as exterminators? It's hard enough to find a group these days, with everyone having their own interests. Some would lament this. But fuck, this is great! Art follows culture and if art can't find an identity, then how could society? With the tea party, Obamaites, and radicals, politics have fallen apart. Art has to be next! And what a party this fallout will be! What grand old party it will be!

Hi, Please Listen to This Now Before Everyone Else Does

Niki Minaj+Eminem+Sleigh Bells+That ride at Disney World about South America=This Beauty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc3f4xU_FfQ&feature=related

Watch that and thank me NOW.

Maybe Theaters Should Copy Disney

I participated in a World Theatre conference at La Mama ETC last Friday. There, I listened to artists from around the world talk about their struggle to get audience members into the theatre. It seemed that even great artists couldn't get an audience member to sit through a play. Only companies with clear brands, like La Mama, could create a huge following. One called theatre a dying art. It's a problem that worried me. Could theatre die or already be dead? Am I hear for the last gasp?

I'm not. Audiences go to Gaga, Broadway, and Cirque every day. Teens flock to rock musicals. People go to theatre but won't see cutting edge material because the fun has either been sucked out of the play or out of the marketing. At the end of the day, the Greeks made theatre to entertain. We need to return to that core ideal and brand every production.

Look at Disney. They brilliantly make their DVDS out of print and then rerelease them on the new viewing medium with bonus features and people like me buy them every time because we associate Disney with commercial art, entertainment, and quality. Most theatre companies just make art. Art should break boundaries and have philosophy while respecting the audience's demands. That's what Shakespeare did! He wrote for the intellectuals and the groundlings.

Like record companies who want to sell albums and production companies that want to pretend DVD doesn't exist, theatre needs to live now. The 60's ended... a while ago. Each century has it's movement (neoclassical, realism, ext.). In the post modern world, it's everything blended with fun and intellectuality. Let's get on with the show and honor the past while moving forward!

Ten Reasons Obama's Just Another Politician

1.) He loves to name drop God.

2.) Instead of a productive stimulus package from day one, he waits two years to start using infrastructure to get the money going.

3.) How many compromises does this man plan on having?

4.) He supports gays without actually supporting them right out of the gate.

5.) Are we STILL IN IRAQ?

6.) Knows the blame game.

7.) He's greying!

8.) Doesn't get rough and ready until mid term elections.

9.) He loves to please everyone. What happened to change?

10.) Promises chromises!

A Cover For Tuesday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL1iFxqEZ-0

Um, Who Do You Think You Are?

I love our generation, the Echo generation. We're tech savy, contradictory, and have great safety in numbers. (Scarred, boomers?) Yet, people my age tick me off. I hear so many people complaining about how they won't make six figures straight out of college. They bitch about having to live in a tiny room. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? We have food. We have shelter. We have cloths. We live in America. Sure, America's fucked up but it could be worse. At least we don't have a dictator, war on our land, famine, poor health care (our's isn't free but we can at least go to decent hospitals), and air to breathe. The worst thing is that the privileged complain. Our parents send us to college. We're blessed. Why would anyone want to rocket to the top? I think it's amazing to do the bitch work and struggle your way to the top. It makes everything more worthwhile. After all, I've seen showgirls. I know what happens to the girl who rockets to the top: a younger bitch pushes her down the stairs.

Two Very Different Shows At Terminal 5 or How To Rock Out Experimental Style

Note: Photo from http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2009/09/of_montreal_jan_1.html

I spent my last two saturdays at Terminal 5 seeing two shows with nearly nothing in common. Both Dirty Projectors and Of Montreal play experimental pop that mixes a variety of genres, but the former took themselves too seriously, sucking the fun and excitement out of their lengthy set.

I love the way the band takes risks, but if an artist plays in a party club atmosphere they should make a set list with a flowing tempo and have a little bit of fun. They lacked any visuals and just played for themselves. Only the background singers looked like they were enjoying themselves. They sounded great but great acoustics are for the Metropolitan Opera House chamber, not Terminal 5. To their credit, they make great music and have a great creative spark, unlike opener Owen Pallet, who played a violin and wore no shoes, but the audience and the players seemed bored to death. I've never seen anything more pretentious... and I write intellectual blogs about Britney Spears.

In contrast, Janelle Monae and Of Montreal not only made bigger statements, they had a blast. Monae, the only opening I've ever seen outshine the headliner besides Britney Spears at a carnival in '98, told the story of Metropolis through a genre hopping journey that included grunge rock, soul, psychedelic rock, gospel, and electro. She improved dance with nuns and soul suckers. Her concept album explored themes of imprisonment and power. She showed off vicious vocal skills and emotions. Sometimes, she focused more on hitting the notes, but when singing "Smile," dancing to "Tightrope" and "Cold War," and dancing through the crowd with full body suit white dancers, she broke free, showing that she's possibly the most talented performing artist of her generation. If Gaga's our MJ, she might be our Prince.

After her thrilling act, Of Montreal lived up to the hype, but failed to match Monae's flow or artistic brilliance. Sometimes, the giant fish background dancers distracted from Kevin Barne's natural showman ship, but the massive TV and pig masked orgy matched brilliantly with False Priest's commentary on religious hypocrisy.

Barnes shined best on his duet with Monae and the fifteen minute Michael Jackson medley. He broke free of the planned dances and the performers literally had a party with the audience as they bounced and danced to the flow. This was one of the best shows I've ever seen. Last night, Barnes and Monae ruled the world. As Barnes said, "Whatever happened to the boy who got everything he wanted? He lived happily ever after!"

Pop Ramblings

On a side note, everyone read this article and buy this book: http://beta.shopping.aol.com/articles/2010/09/16/feed-a-friend-helps-fight-hunger-in-america/

NOW ON WITH MY BLOG POST!

So much for her comeback. LiLo's heading back to jail for failing a drug test. This creates many questions. Will Larry Rudolph still manage her? Is her career over? He's still with her for now. It's odd for her to go to twitter to ADMIT, not deny her actions. Kind of odd how she told Vanity Fair she had no drug problem and now she says she's a work in progress. At the end of the day, that's not what really matters. She could have been a huge star (and still can) but home girl needs to get out of LaLa land, disappear for a year and then return healthy and new. She should forget her career for awhile and focus on herself... that might be the only way she could get better. Poor girl.

In other news, JANELLE MONAE AND OF MONTREAL TONIGHT!!! YAY YAY YAY! Spin said Janelle beats the old indie kids by a mile. I'd love to say I could see her taking over radio, but I think she might be too artistic too make it. Gaga makes consumer art (don't even deny it, people) and Monae takes huge songwriting risk. She's actually a much more complicated writer than Gaga but I think she's headed for cult domination. Gaga's pretty much just a huge cult though and I said the same thing about her (I had The Fame the day it came out and "Just Dance" 6 MONTHS before it blew up, suck it) so who the heck knows.

As far as fashion week goes, Yellow Fever's new collection was STUNNING! I wish it was Forever 21 prices because it is SO SO SO SO SO SO fun!

SHUT UP IT'S 2010 GET WITH IT

Not to be a pretentious prick but I love reading The New York Times every morning. Lately, the editorials have been pissing me off. I understand that it's sad that the Lincoln Center Barnes & Noble has closed down but that doesn't mean people don't read novels or cultural studies anymore. We now read them on screens instead of pages. Nook and Barnes N Noble are the same thing. Since Plato, older generations have lamented the death of intellectualism in the younger generations. Just because it's not on a page doesn't mean no one cares about anything. Also, Kindles will make indie bookstores the new record stores. Libraries won't die. They'll just evolve into online databases. Calm down! The times are just a'changin! It's those who try to live in the past who are going to end up archaic or bankrupt. Just go ask the recording industry.

VMAS WHAT THEY MEAN

Sorry for being a bad blogger and not religiously obsessing over pop culture. I've been a busy boy! But I will be blogging daily from now on every morning. This was the first year I had to watch the award show as clips since I was seven. SEVEN. In my family, it's the equivalent to the super bowl. WAH WAH WAH! I wanted to cry. Here's what I thought of the clips:

1.) Step two of Lindsay Lohan's comeback? Complete. By spoofing her jailtime, she admitted she fucked up. This skit was carefully crafted for her return. Chandler telling Lindsay she got her life together was OBVIOUSLY a move on Larry Rudolph's part.

2.) Is Bieber a pop phase or here to stay? He's performing like a phase but he has a glint of true showmanship.

3.) Welcome to American glory, Florence! Her performance brought her a new audience and tons of itunes buys. Good for her.

4.) Oh, Gaga. She didn't even perform and she stole the show. It's great to see a pop star not care about Peta and her album title, Born this Way, sounds like the title of what could be one of the greatest ROCK, not pop, records of all time. IT's BAD ASS AS FUCK!

Better Than The Original. A Cover For Every Wednesday.

Three Bits of News For Robyn Fans

1.) ROBYN HAS ANNOUNCED A SECOND U.S. TOUR!!! She's even coming to Miami. No one ever tours in SoBe unless they've truly become a "dancehall queen."

2.) Body Talk Talk Pt. 2 isn't a perfect body of work like its predecessors, but if it's like some trilogies, we may be headed toward Revenge of the Sith greatness.

3.) If "Indestructible" follows the path of "Hang With Me," Robyn's Body Talk Pt. 3 single may rank along side "Stronger" as one of the most uplifting empowerment songs in pop history.

Let's face it. Sweedes do it better!

Lindsay Lohan. The Time Has Come.

Go Back to Article

Lindsay Lohan is finally at a crossroads. Like Britney Spear's trip to a mental ward, LiLo seems to, for at least this week, seems at a crossroads. She's quit clubbing, hired Britney's comeback mastermind Larry Rudolph, and graces intellectuals' gossip rag Vanity Fair instead of US. While reading the article, I realized how stunning Lilo looks. Unlike Kristin Stewart or the other Twilight gals, Lindsay looks like a classic movie star. She's the last of a kind of star. Sure, she's now more known for her antics and has joined the ranks of the Kardashians, but Hollywood has yet to find a young starlet with her appeal who isn't a trash bag since The Parent Trap. What young actress now brings audiences to a theatre in non franchise films? None! In the article, she discusses how new media confused her. She forgot that she's more Gene Kelly than Tilah Tequila. People give her a hard time and say she's close to death, but she's only twenty-four. She's not nearly as bad as some sorority girls. Shiolah Buff is allowed to go to jail for drunk antics and no one cares? She stumbles and her career's over? That's fucking bullshit. The worse part is, it's not men who criticize her. It's young girls who do the same bullshit. LOOK IN THE MIRROR. People need to stop using LiLo as a pole to beat out their own issues. She's a person. Imagine having the world hate you? That sucks a lot. Have some sympathy for the girl, America! Don't support the behavior, but don't judge unless you're perfect. And you're not, perfect. At this point, her career's going to go two ways. She'll either have a Robert Downey Jr. style return or make one last film and tragically die right before a comeback. She's got too big of a presence to live as a has been. She's had her career falterings, but she's never lost her fame. It's her fate to be unforgotten. Now, if she's remembered for messiness or brilliance is a totally other blog post. But if things continue on this path, a new great Lindsay Lohan movie could be on the way. I will take bets on that now!

Ten Reasons I Love My Kindle More Than Printed Books

1.) I'm saving the environment.

2.) I'm helping printed books become the equivalent to old records. Us Kindle users are making books cool.

3.) 40,000 books weighing a few ounces or carrying one twenty pound edition of Infinite Jest? Which one would you choose? Get real!

4.) It's white and puuuuuuurty.

5.) It looks like a page, not a screen like the iPad.

6.) I can say I had it before everyone else, which is always super fun.

7.) It makes me feel like less of a hoarder.

8.) It comes in a black case. Unlike the ugly Girl With the Dragon Tattoo cover, a Kindle goes with every outfit.

9.) Books. Are. So. Much. Fucking. Cheaper.

10.) I think Oprah has one.

Off to go read my Kindle on the lawn! Peace, bitches!

Happiness Shock

I've never had a week so drama free, puppy free, or where I just felt mother fucking happy. I am so happy IT SCARES THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME. Last night, I took the train into the City. Trains amaze me so much more than airports. SLC is practically a snow globe. Same with NYC. It's a different world surrounded by some peculiar ass shit. I don't know why I'm cursing like a sailor, but whatever. I'm getting it out. It was like Harry Potter! In the train and then suddenly GRAND CENTRAL STATION. It. Was. Incredible. I've only visited NYC on vakay, but I live here now. I was in a magical place. Dog shit problems couldn't hurt me anymore. While sitting in the fountain (yes, in the fountain) with Dhara, I felt like I was dreaming. How could this be real? How could I, someone who has been miserable for so effing long be in place they not only love, but personal happiness? The hard work and nights in Oakwood Plaza Barnes & Noble were worth it. The Dog Days Are Over. Literally.

Five Concerts For September

1.) Of Montreal with Janelle Monae. September 17th and 18th at Terminal 5. They've kept their new music with Jon Brion and Beyonce's sister top secret, but it's Of Montreal. This is an event where knowledge of every single lyric means nada. Go for the fishnets, nudity, bubbles, dance, and lace. Plus, there's no one on earth who combines Gagaesque pop with James Brown soul like opener Janelle Monae.

2.) Dirty Projectors. September 11th at Terminal 5. Although some critics have disliked their shows for their denseness and odd pace, the Projectors promise of songs from Mountwittenburg Orca, Bitte Orca, older tracks, and the new Bitte Orca disk make it worth it. Sometimes they sound like whales, but any band that producers tracks like "Stillness is the Move" and "Two Doves" makes the bullshit well worth the thirty dollars.

3.)Best Coast. September 30th at Music Hall of Williamsburg. She's going to explode. See her now so you can say you saw before she was a star.

4.) Billy Idol. September 15th at Hammerstein Ballroom. He's old. He's a has been. But hell, no one else dances by them self like Billy.

5.) Stars. September 24th at Terminal 5. Stars only gets together every few years. Personally, I don't like the new tracks, but see them now because this might be your last chance. This is real, not Cher's farewell tour.

Note: Check Last.fm and Ticketmaster for ticket info.

Bob Dylan. Do I Love or Hate Him Either Way He Makes Me Feel Just Like A Woman But Breaks Like A Little Girl

I used to hate Bob Dylan's music. Before I listened to his Greatest Hits, everyone told me he was the a genius cowboy crooner sent from God. When my itunes imported all of my dad's music, I stumbled across his tunes and found them... underwhelming. To me, it sounded like catchy folk music, not groundbreaking masterpieces. I forgot I grew up in a post Lilith Fair era. Singer songwriters surround my every move. They weren't always there. After learning "I Want You" by heart and singing it out my car window, I became addicted. And then mesmerized. And then an emotional atomic bomb. I thought I fell in love with him. Then, I hear he plays his concerts for "himself only." By that, I mean he gets drunk, closes his eyes, and refuses to speak to the audience. If he really does this, I don't like him anymore. If you play music not to open minds or for a crowd, then stay in your bedroom. I don't believe that artists create art to keep it hidden. They want to show it. THAT'S for someone else. But if this is fake, then he's to simply put it, the mother fucking shit!

Ten Reasons New York Is Better Than Florida In No Order

Yeah, I met Kelly Cutrone. Bet you're all jealous!

Sorry, I haven't blogged in a month or two. I've been busy with my big move. I'm finally here in New York! Thank the lord Jesus Courtney Love. I've been waiting to get out of South Florida since I was seven! So, I decided to start my first blog from my new home with a list of why the Empire State tops the Sunshine State.
- Celebs in New York send tweets inviting their fans to chat with them for four hours in the park, then give you pizza, have you hand pizza to the homeless, ask strangers to leave when they are racist, take a photo with you, give you fashion week tickets, a shirt, and career advice. Kelly Cutrone>Gloria Estefan. For those who missed this amazing event, she spoke to kids our age about how we need to get realistic about life, work harder, expect success to come not over night, watch out for your twenty-seventh year, and follow our dreams. Everyone needs to read her book, If You Have to Cry Go Outside. It's a fucking God send! Way better than the Bible and a lot more helpful! Watch out for her new scripted show with the Gossip Girls folk.
-The Subway. I will not have to drive on I-95 for a very, very long time. I prefer rubbing elbows with dirty old men then getting honked at by angry Cuban business men very, very much.
- Musicians who DON'T play techno actually perform here. Shocking, right?
-Can you say $3.00 falafel?
-They have culture. By culture, I do not mean Weiland whales, I mean high art culture!
-New York's homeless citizens dress really chic. I'm not kidding. I confused a bag lady for a model and I mean that as a compliment. Naomi Campbell? Bird lady? What's the difference!
- New Yorkers understand that money doesn't make you fashionable and that the fashionable don't always have money.
-People read magazines besides OK and US!
- In New York, a lot of people understand you can have fun without a club.
- Everyone's openly rude!

In Defense of Lindsay Lohan

Sure, she's a Hollywood brat in epic denial, but we really shouldn't be the ones throwing stones at LiLo. Her mom may have pushed her toward stardom, but the American public accepted her in welcoming arms, and then beat her whenever it could. Yes, she chose to spend her nights at Les Deux and hijacked that car, but like a bad parent who set the stage for their child's drug addiction, America set her up for a lifetime of delusions and drug bust.

Of course, we shouldn't reward her bad behavior. We should let her be punished and say she deserves it since she did break the terms of her probation. Yet, we shouldn't mock her. Instead, we should sit back and let Lindsay handle this on her own. We should ignore the tabloids and let a girl pull herself together. After all, we do read the tabloids which fuel the cameras that will only stall her success. Let's not analyze her every behavior. Let's simply pray and let her do her thing.

On the bright side, while she believes 90 days in the slammer and another 90 days in a doctor's care will end her career, this could be her luckiest break yet. This judge has pretty much set her up for a Robert Downey Jr. size comeback. The public sees her as a talented but troubled girl. If she goes to jail, takes responsibility, and ends her denial, she may still be able to win an oscar and return to box office glory. She's her biggest enemy. If she goes through treatment, listens, and faces the facts, she might NOT end up being Sean Young. It's up to her.

One NIght With Hole

I have two definitions of a great artist. The first one comes from Roger Ebert. Anyone can make shitty art, but only a great artist can create a memorable piece of crap. My other definition comes from my love for all things trash and class. I judge an artist based on their intent, not their actual personal taste. I adore Cat Power’s folk and Britney Spear’s pop dystopian dancehall Americana, but I don’t expect Britney to play acoustic guitar and I don’t expect Chan Marshal to rap about malls.
Courtney Love falls into both definitions. Whether subconsciously crafting double meaning rock songs with great pop structure like “Never Go Hungry Again” or “Miss World” or completing a bizarrely fascinating hot mess that’s simultaneously awful and brilliant like American Sweetheart, she’s always memorable and always herself. Even as a punk widow turned A-list celeb, she combined old style glamour with brutal honesty. She was so real she didn’t even follow the folky “real” trends. She’s beyond fake. Some criticize her for her personal problems but since when was family problems her art form? She’s not my mother. That isn’t our grudge. Others lament that the new Hole doesn’t include former members. But it only takes a Behind the Music special to see Hole has always been Love plus her current collaborators. After all, Melissa only played on one album, so stop bitching that she’s not there, sixteen-year-old gay boy at the Fillmore.
I appreciate any artist who creates truthful and memorable work, but I only obsess over artist who genuinely affect me. She attracts me for many reasons but mostly because Courtney gives me hope that not every woman I’ve invested my love in will let me down. During her years in rehab and tabloid hell, I held onto my faith that like the phoenix in “Never Go Hungry Again,” she would return and show me why her songs saved me during middle school. It’s a cliché, but I had to put my faith in someone, even if that someone was a grunge goddess in rehab.
Over the last few months, I anticipated her show at the Fillmore on July second with excitement and anxiety. Rumors of Nobody’s Daughter have been circulating for years. I wasn’t crazy about that record at first and concert reviews ranged from celebratory (Spin) to down right awful (Washington Post). Even the positive reviews said her voice sounded weak at moments. However, they were all wrong. Unlike most of my mother figures, the last bitch standing not only delivered, she exceeded all my expectations. I have bootleg nineties Hole and this show was not just stronger it was as strong as any Rolling Stone or Judy Garland concert.
I arrived at the venue an hour early to make sure I was in the front row. There, I met a huge fat man who seemed like he would leave his wife for Courtney and a wonderful middle-aged couple who should be parents. I expected to wait for four hours to see Courtney because of the Washington Post, but whoever wrote that article clearly just doesn’t understand Hole or Miss Love. Anyways, what musician doesn’t come on late? I waited two and a half hours to watch Madonna rap and practice downward dog. Foxy Shazam, the opening act, took the stage promptly at nine and delivered close to an hour of showmanship blended with an incredible voice, odd Hedwigesque monologues, and lit cigarettes being thrown at the lead singer and later eaten by him. It was epic.
And I thought the wait would be epic, but less than half an hour later classical music rang in and the Queen of Punk took the stage. When I heard she opened with Pretty on the Inside/Sympathy for the Devil/Skinny Little Bitch, I was expecting a shot smoker’s voice struggling to scream like a banshee. Instead, as she told Howard Stern, her voice sounds better than ever. She was sober, confident, and fulfilling. She portrayed her honest, “I’m an addict, fuck you if you don’t like me, punk Judy Garland from the ashes” persona with a combination of humility, celebrity, rage, and hard working sobriety.
She plummeted right through the songs, getting better and better as the night went on. She opened her arms like Christ. She didn’t skip a single classic. There was no “long and boring chatter.” She just had some funny comments and some arguing with Miko. They seem to have a weird mother and annoying son dynamic. He was shirtless and covered in glitter. Was he high? I have no clue. I just know Courtney didn’t want him in her spotlight. She apologized and had the crowd clap for him since he lived with her for five years. Apparently, she has a dirty dressing room.
Every song a fan would have wanted Hole to perform, she sang. At some moments the obnoxious crowd, took my attention away from “Miss World” and “Asking for it” but not for long. A four-foot tall bitch kept asking to go in front of me. I politely explained that I stood outside for over an hour and she said that she, like the girl in “Asking for It,” asked me nicely. I told her I was a bitch and wouldn’t move. People’s excuses to get in the front were beyond ridiculous. One girl claimed that she needed Hole to sing a song for a dead friend. She asked for “Credit in the Straight World.” Why on earth would you have a band dedicate a cover about drug dealers to your best friend? LAME EXCUSE. My favorite came from the drunken girl who told us a guy we knew was her husband. She then proceeded to tell us she was drunk. No need to tell us that, bitch. Yet, they couldn’t distract me from Courtney holding out her skinny arms, pounding the guitar, and stomping her foot in between sets.
I was so distracted by Courtney’s raw emotions. I was rocking and screaming loudly and she noticed. She looked me in the eye during “Someone Else’s Bed”, smiled, and then threw her pick and cigarette right in my face. I was so star struck I froze in bliss. I shared eye contact with an icon.
Her performance was so amazing that in certain moments, I didn’t even rock out. After the show, I beat myself up for not rocking out as much. Sitting outside, I met Keith Richards; not realizing it was he and called him just an average drunk when a drunken guy asked us to photograph him. A drunken man named Carlos then told us that someone named David “fucks his pussy” every night and that he drank everything inside the Fillmore. Really? I couldn’t tell, Carlos. Yet, meeting Keith wasn’t my favorite moment of the night. During the show’s closer and most vulnerable performance, “Thirteen/Never Go Hungry Again,” I froze with my arms out, watching Love and Miko play acoustic guitar. When she danced on the side, you could see how in touch she was with the music. It was like evil spirits had possessed her and rock exorcized her. Now the queen could revel in the music. As she sang her first post rehab song, Love closed her eyes, belting the lyrics. On iTunes, I never enjoyed the new album’s slower folk songs, but live, I finally understood them. Courtney Love worked hard to reassemble Hole and return to the stage and will never leave it. Nothing could distract me from the groove more than that type of performance.
Courtney had her messy years but on a July Friday night in South Florida, she didn’t let me down. Some would call her leaving and having Lisa tell us to shout “Hole!” to get her back on stage but that’s part of the event. She was obviously returning and she came back for what felt like a second concert. She delivered the excitement. She delivered the rage. She delivered the emotion. She delivered everything Hole that made me fall in love during middle school. There’s a reason she’s the last bitch standing and my Judy Garland. It’s because she’s no one but fucking Courtney Love.
SONGS SHE SANG:
PRETTY ON THE INSIDE: Pretty on the Inside
LIVE THROUGH THIS: Miss World
Violet
Asking For It
Doll Parts
Plump
CELEBRITY SKIN: Reasons to be Beautiful
Celebrity Skin
Awful
Malibu
Boys on the Radio
NOBODY’S DAUGHTER: Skinny Little Bitch
Letter to God
Pacific Coast Highway
Someone Else’s Bed
Never Go Hungry Again
COVERS: Sympathy for the Devil
Take This Longing
Play With Fire
Thirteen

Go here for clips from the concert: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgA11F24-eg&feature=youtube_gdata

What It Feels Like For A White Boy

I despise weight rooms not for just for their stench, bacteria, and heat, but also because of how weak and powerless they make me feel. Television, magazine, and movie images of beefy gods stare back at us at the grocery store and the living room. Would someone please show me a successful skinny white boy who isn't an annoying quirky hipster or nerd. Both major media corporations and the blogosphere LOVE to complain about how our culture makes girls feel the need to purge and do aerobics till their dead and skinny. What about how society tells boys they need to be all meat and bulk? The girls who lament the treatment of woman tell me to eat a hamburger and do some bench presses. Ever wonder what it feels like to be a skinny white gay boy? I feel like my body image will never match up to my intellect or creativity because I'm neither fat not muscular. Sometimes I feel like it's better to weigh as much as Noah Hill than be myself. I mostly hang out with girls and they're aloud to be thin. Why not me?

Today, like last summer, I lifted weights at the gym. I felt no release or positivity. I just felt ugly. Then I saw across the gym a forty year old man lifting as many weights as me. From the look in his eyes, I could tell he way trying to relive his past flory days. He wanted bulk. He was trying to be something he's not. I'm saying goodbye to the weights once and for all. I love my yoga and my swimming. Yet, I still feel sucked into what TV has told me. Boys should not be thin, the tv says and I don't understand why. Even Zac Efron, a pretty skinny boy, has gone all hairy and buff. But I won't let myself do that. I won't be sucked into the status quo. I want to be like Monique. I want to love myself for being thin. It's not my fault I have a fast metabolism, anyways.

I feel as if I'd feel better about this if I had some sort of roll model. My own personal Monique or Juno. But unfortunately, it's wrong to sing a song about what it feels like for a white skinny boy.

Songs For Summer!

1.) Summer Girls. Although Katy Perry annoys me as much as a party girl from "Fort Laudy," U can't ignore this song. She may have the ego of Ke$ha and Lady Gaga without the originality or ridiculousness (sorry, Katy, banana outfits and blue hair don't make you "quirky") but she has Dr. Luke and he knows how to write a summer anthem by sticking to the genre's strong points: simplicity, stupidity, and unforgettableness. P.S. Katy, you ain't Dylan. This song doesn't tell a story. HUGS AND KISSES!

2.) Can't Be Tamed. Ladies and gentleman, slutty birdlike Miley viva la Britney Overprotected era has arrived. Despite her faux Christian image, Miley desperately wants the gay's attention and on this track she demand it. The song has the dark synth perfect for a badass gay dungeon. It follows the "Slave 4 U" sound while reversing the message. She isn't our slave bound to break free and shave her hair. She's a bad ass mother fucker even Mickey Mouse can't tame.

3.) Bulletprood. Okay, not to brag but this was my jam a year ago. Thanks to z100, it's now your song too and I'm happy that it is. Everyone needs to know this punk disco one hit wonder.

4.) Alejandro. Personally, I'm not crazy for it but we live in Gaga's world. She demands we return to the sound of Ace of Base. We must obey!

5.) Hollywood. "Hollywood infected your brain
You wanted kissing in the rain
Oh oh, Living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams"

That's just the hook. Tell me a genre more daring than pop right now, bitches. I don't see one. Eat this and swallow it, MIA. You're not the dangerous one anymore.

Weekend Pondering

So, this weekend Vivian, Diva, and I went to Diskotekka. I’ve been to clubs in NY and Gainseville before and had a really good time, but I hated this place. Everyone waited for everyone else to dance. No one bothered strangers. The DJ barely left any song in place besides it’s lyrics. (Who knew “Call Me” had avant Afro beats? I didn’t!) Even the drag queens seemed swept up in trendy Miaaaami tastes.
The whole evening made me realize why I hate Miami: it’s seedy and trashy but in a seedy and trashy trends way. It seemed like everyone was up to date on current guido clothing and skany lingerie but no one followed their own beat. I prefer a whole in the wall where you see open freaks than closet geeks where they play AN ACTUAL SONG.
Luckily, I’m moving in August and will be in NY where real freaks, not just bipolar homeless people, will be easier to find. Speaking of moving, I finally graduated yesterday. It was cheesy and cliché as expected. One speech told us we would fail if we were unique. Another told girls to make sandwisches. My favorited one talked about how 9/11 destroyed our innocence. That’s for sure. But I’m leaving this all behind with a smile on my face. I might glimpse back but I don’t plan on coming back for long. I’ll miss my close friends and teachers, but I won’t miss living in this haunted house or walking past bullshit laced fake brick. Bye, bye, John Hughes. Hello, what I’ve been waiting for.
Current Ten Favorite Movies:
Almost Famous
T2
Beauty and the Beast
Ed Wood
Little Mermaid
Some Like It Hot
Sunset Blvd.
Mean Girls/Heathers
Last Picture Show
Hedwig and the Angry Inch/Me, You, and Everyone We Know

Current Favorite Musicians:

Hole/Courtney Love
Britney Spears
Madonna
Cat Power
Smashing Pumpkins
Lady Gaga
Girls
Fiona Apple
Bjork
Dirty Projectors

I COULDN’T GET IT DOWN TO TEN!

I HAVE NOT BLOGGED IN SO SO LONG SO THIS IS A MASSIVE PRETENTIOUS RAMBLE

Sorry for long time, no blog. I've been BUSY BUSY BUSY. Pop culture wise, I haven't had much on my mind besides the usual: post modernism, Courtney Love, gay icons, ext., ext. Sorry to be so repetitive but TV and music are boring me to death right now. I've only been watching Glee (which has gotten a lil shitty) and The Hills because that show has gotten really dark, which makes that borezone interesting. Heidi went nuts. It's like a postmodern Tennessee Williams play on MTV! They should get a great documentarian to make a docu about that couple.

Speaking of post modern, that art era is apparently nearing it's end according to art historians. I find this ironic since they associate Gaga and Ke$ha more with the era than MJ and Madonna. Maybe, Gaga, Ke$ha and Miley belong to this new untitled era. An era which swill consist of self-ackowledgement, lack of cultural consistancy, and unrealistic "reality," not realism. But that just sounds like post modernism.Then again, realist plays like Ibsen's Ghosts and paintings like Courbet's Burial at Ornans are just as fake as The Hills. Crucify me. It's the truth. It seems more like post modernish just hit the mainstream. Pop culture used to tend to lag behind the art world but thanks to Warhol, Madonna, Gaga, and others that have blended the lines between class and trash, pop culture=art. (Yes, even when reffering to Heidi. That persona is performance art at it's finest).

That was an uber confusing paragraph.

Oh, dear Lindsay Lohan, I loved Mean Girls, Parent Trap, and Georgia Rule. Get your act together, star in some great romances and super hero flicks, hook up with Whedon, and then go gritty for an oscar so I can love you again. I don't want to see you on your ass at Cannes. It's not cute or funny. It's sad, but I'm lacking sympathy. I'm annoyed and I gave Courtney Love a chance, so, imagine how annoyed your OTHER FANS ARE!

I'm obsessed with the concept of this woman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMyc148Do_Q but I don't know how much I love her.

I love the new Hole record. It's not the Exile on Main Street I wanted, but it's better then Billy's latest free singles.

Enough rambling. I'm sick of typing at the Broward library. So psyched for SLC in the fall.

Avoir, Mother L**ckers (this was a very post modern goodbye. hehe)

Five Musicians Who Piss Me Off

1.) Dear M.I.A., I honestly enjoy your music even though it all sounds the same. I know you're all "avant garde" and "non conformist" and shot, but it seems to me that you WISH you were as famous as Lady Gaga. Your noise is just as mainstream as her disco. You gave "Paper Planes" to a fucking Judd Apatow movie, honey. You have no right to say she steals when you sound like other artists too. Sounds to me like you are a BIT JEALOUS because your label prefers Gaga over you.

2.) Dr. Luke, mastermind behind Ke$ha, offered Uffie the chance to sign onto a major label and have him produce her American debut. Instead, you did a load of drugs and said no. Sure, Ke$ha and Luke ripped you off, but you were too lazy to make hit singles. You preferred to PaArTyY it up and now you've released this generic crud: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on7P2GZvD4c&feature=related Uffie, you were brilliant enough to have someone blatantly rip your singles off! Why are you trying to sound like an electro wannabe? YOU WERE THE REAL THING, GIRL FRIEND!

3.) Grace Jones was a disco performance artist decades before Gaga hit the scene. Now, she steals from him a little and he hates her. She stole an outfit and Grace goes NUTS. Like M.I.A., she's just jealous. Gaga is everything she wishes she was: a brilliant chart topping songwriter with a knack for performance art.

4.) Billy Corgan is nuts or brilliant. He sings Dylanesque songs that sound nothing like the Pumpkins, believes he can levitate to Jessica Simpson's house, and replaced his band mates with an eighteen year old and sixty year old man. Yet, his new songs rock. I just can't decide if history will call him a burnt out has been chasing after glory or a fallen rock God who composed song of the most beautiful songs of his career that no one heard that later became classics. Maybe, he could become both.

5.) I'm not sure who B.o.B. is but I see his songs on the top of itunes, preview them, and they suck. I hate when labels take a new style and make shitty catchy forgettable songs with it. UGH.

Ray of Light: A Reflection on Madonna's Songwriting Skills, The New Crystal Castles, and Glee

First off, my blog is currently fucked up and won't let me post images. So here is the link to the album cover I'm talking about when I referance Crystal Castles:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:CrystalCastles2010Album.jpg

The new Rolling Stone Magazine issue features the Black Eyed Peas on the cover under a headline that says "40 Great Things About Rock." That's funny. The Peas sing electro influenced pop, not classic rock. Yet, what IS ROCK? Rock encompasses punk, indie, classic, southern, and many other genres. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame includes Madonna and Abba. Rock seems to mean sexualized, slightly rebellious, fun music that the majority of people listen to on their radio. Real rock involves rebellion and thought. Madonna, the queen of Pop whether you like it or not, sings disco pop but has written more rebellious avant garde song than any rock singer in the past thirty years. "Papa Don't Preach," "Oh, Father," "I'm So Stupid," and the whole "Ray of LIght" album feature different styles and say SOMETHING. These songs are universal. Everyone knows them. Sure, they are commercial, sexual, shock for shock sake occasionally, but that's what's rock is. Rock means fearlessness. She's more rock and roll than Axl or Bruce. Plus, she aimed for fortune so she can never ever sell out. Hence, tonight's Glee. It's a commercial show but the writing is KILLER. I'm addicted. You should be.

Rock & Roll ain't dead, mother fuckers. It's alive and well in British techno. On their new track, "Vietnam," Cyrstal Castles blends melody, complex composition, and synths into a meaningfully punk and catchy song. I'm not sure what the song talks about, it's noise, but beneath the ambiance... there's something you can feel. Look at that album cover! It fits in with every great rock album cover. Rock ain't about guitar. It's a philosophy, you bored bitches.

Please Don't Die, Album (For Everyone at Wannee Right Now)

Don't know if you've heard, but Roger Waters plans on performing the whole "Wall" album this fall. I LOVE LOVE LOVE albums. LIke a collection of poetry or a painter's concentration, it presents a collection revolving around one theme, story, idea, or sound. Because of itunes (a.k.a. my old best friend. Download Mp3's on Amazon, bitches. It's mad cheaper) the album may be going the way of painting: no one cares besides artists, critics, and nerds with blogs.

I'm listening to "Ziggy Stardust and the Spider from Mars" at the moment. Songs bleed into each other, creating a lovely story. In the last few years only "The Fame" and "Blackout" have accomplished the same effect as classic albums. Instead of surrounding brilliant singles with airless filler, Britney and Lady Gaga created masterpieces about Warholian fame and breakdowns in the 21st century. Other than that, I just hear crud or brilliance no one buys... or illegally downloading.

This month David Bryne and Fat Boy Slim released "Here Lies Love," a concept album featuring Tori Amos, Cyndi Lauper, and more about the former first lady of the Philippines. It's a techno Evita. This proves to everyone at Wannee right now that electro is just as intelligent as Pink Floyd, Phish, or any bluegrass band. This album says as much as a Tolstoy album. Bryne writes as complex as Bach wrote his operas. IT DEFINES ART. Unfortunately, no one will hear it. Only us nerds will dance in it's electro glory.

Perhaps, itunes has helped the album redefine itself. In our singles nation, no one will eventually write an album unless they want to say something. May itnues saved the album. Frankly, I can't see Fatboy writing "Here Lies Love" in 1998.

Christina Aguilera: First Casualty of the New Pop Era

With every new decade, many stars try to keep up with the latest trends. Some fail, such as Paula Abdul and Micheal Jackson, while others bumb new starlets off the charts like Madonna. It's looks like Christina "Insert Latest Nickname Here" Aguilera belongs in the former category. In the four years since Back to Basics pop has gone from following the sounds urban clubs to embracing the melodies and glitter of a gay club. Pop is now either wonderfully pretentious about it's ridiculousness or just plain fun. Disco influenced albums like The Fame are now Warholian philosophy concept albums. Even Ke$ha finds her Jack Daniel's bottle philisophically. For older artists, like Rihanna, this has been hit ("Rude Boy") and miss (that song you already forgot about a Russian gun). The new "Bionic" Aguilera has forgotten that "Xtina" was one of the original thought provoking sex kittens. She made her sexual exploration a feminist ralling call. Yet, on "Not Myself Tonight" she attempts to be Gaga, but sounds like another Britney wannabe. Britney belongs to the Americana landscape. Her blabber about "Peter, Paul, and Mary" reflects America. Christina, who once passed Gaga as another wannabe, now tries to act Gaga's role, but forgets that Gaga owns a brain. Christina's rambling about partying just comes across as executive created boredom. She is an artist. If the "Bionic Xtina" doesn't embrace more thought she may face the fate of Paula or the toy rock.

The Beauty of Pop and It's Ten Greatest Artists

To me, a great pop artist is like Shakespeare. He or she creates an entertaining artwork that, through it's pulp value, says something significant or explores a deeper human emotion. This significance may come from America's obsession with the artists, viva la Britney, or may come through a ten minute music video exploring consumer culture, viva la Gaga. Shakespeare wrote some thematic duds, sure, but the plots still rocked as much as a Bjorn Benny hook. For the next two weeks, I will be counting down the ten greatest pop artists who fulfill this criteria.

10.) OH BOY GEORGE WHY DID YOU BECOME A COKE HEAD? His career and his band's career may have spanned a little more than five years, but in this period George composed some of the most melancholy dance jams and radio ballads the eighties ever heard. Everyone has the friendship that ends like "Victims" and has wanted to avoid a breakup like Boy during "Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me?" These are more than #1 singles. They are bizzare and colorful depictions of Boy's tragic life set against the sounds of the club. He makes emo dancable. He makes breakups into sing-a-longs featured in Shrek. It takes more talent to simplify an event then transform it into an abstract concept album. Give a drag queen with dreads his dues.

Performance Art & Why Abba Rules

Marina Abramovic = Love EVERYONE LOOK HER UP!

I doubt anyone else read the NYT's performance art commentary, but it got me thinking about how all forms of art go in a circle. The Guggenheim conference made it sound like all other art forms are stark differences from each other when in reality every form is close to another. Think of it like this: painting is close to drawing which is similar to animation which is similar to film which is similar to photography which is dramatic like theatre theatre which is similar to performance art which is similar to sculpture which is similar to painting since it's the other earliest art form. Performance art is the missing link! The internet is blurring the mediums and some hate it, but to me it's awesome.

Everyone has been ragging on Abba all day long. HOW COULD A DISCO BAND BE INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME!?!? BLASPHEMY! Golly gee, kiss my glittery ass. Abba defines great songwriting. No one writes a better structured song than Abba. They write as well as bloody Dylan! Why else would so many hard rock bands that became successful praise them? Pop speaks to the common man: it's repetition, the hooks, the melodies. They seep into our brain making the artists' expressions permanent. Rambling guitar strings do not.


I have very eclectic music taste believe it or not. I dig more than just disco and grunge. Just take a look at my ten favorite albums:

1.) Live Through This- Hole
2.) The Immaculate Collection- Madonna
3.) The Greatest- Cat Power
4.) Siamese Dream- Smashing Pumpkins
5.) Blackout- Britney Spears
6.) Extraordinary Machine- Fiona Apple
7.) Horses- Patti Smith
8.) Medulla- Bjork
9.) Album- Girls
10.) Bitte Orca- Dirty Projectors

There you have it: grunge, disco, electro, folk, piano, experimental, San Fran homeless pop, and Brooklyn's finest pretentious hipsters.

My favorite films list is just as strange:

1.) Sunset Blvd.
2.) Some Like It Hot
3.) Almost Famous
4.) T2: Judgement Day
5.) Me, You, and Everyone We Know
6.) All the classic Disney films
7.) Ed Wood
8.) Y Tu Mambien
9.) Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
10.) X2: X-Men United

Probably the only list with Kung Fu, drag queens, X-Men, performance artists, James Cameron, and Simba.

When thinking about who influences my art, writing, and ideas the most, I also see an odd list. I want to base my career around the ideas of Walt Disney, Andy Warhol, Cinno, Tennessee Williams, Perez, and the punk rockers. I want to work in all fields of art as a commercial storytelling genius who uses the internet and serves as a patron to musicians viva la Cinno meets CBGB. In other words, I've got a punk rock soul wrapped in sequins and bubble wrap rocking that contraposto pose.

Punk In My Heart.

If I told the average person I worship punk, they would probably laugh in my face. "A gay boy with an electro pop obsession loving the outlaws of the 70's? Hahahaha!" But let's get real. Punk is more than just torn up jeans and unwashed hair. Punk is the philosophy of fuck you in a blender full of piss and lyrical melodies. That's pretty effing homosexual. Any boy rocking a set of stilettos is flicking off every homophobic born again in the mid west. I recently read Rolling Stone's Kurt Cobain book, a collection of every article they published on the last rock God the earth may ever know. Jann and the other editors made punk sound like some sort of unstructured piece of musical feces when in reality Television, the Sex Pistols, Lou Reed, and Patty Smith wrote melodies as moving as the Beatles and hooks as catchy as Bloodyshy and Avant. It may seem that punk died with disco, but like disco, it's in all sorts of popular music. Britney shaving her head? That's fucking punk. Lady Gaga's reference to her dick in the "Telephone" video? That's mother fucking punk. Punk ain't dead, it's just now covered in spandex and electro beats. It's not about the poor hygiene. It's about the ethics, bitches.

Ten Reasons Why People Need to Stop Complaining About Sandra Bullock's Oscar

10.) She comes from an opera family and has been searching for a great role for two decades.

9.) She acts with a heart.

8.) You probably have not seen The Blind Side.

7.) She's 100% old school Hollywood. We need that in our indie saturated culture.

6.) When someone gets awarded, you should applause, not bitch and moan. She's dreamed of this for years. Why kill her moment with bitter tweets? It's called respect. I am sorry she starred in a blockbuster movie. Go ahead. Shoot me.

5.) Bad movies can have great performances in them. Ever heard of The Lovely Bones?

4.) It's okay for Meryl Streep to lose an Oscar race. I'm sure she'll get over it.

3.) If starring in Miss Congeniality makes her undeserving of winning an Oscar, should the academy strip Monique of her award since she hosted Flavor of Love: Charm School?

2.) Sandra is not the first actress in a "cheesy saccharine" movie to win best actress. Ever hear of Roman Holiday?

1.) The majority of people complaining about her win are relying on Entertainment Weekly reviews to make their opinions and haven't seen a single movie starring a best actress nominee. GO SEE THE ACTUAL MOVIE BEFORE YOU TWEET YOURSELF TO DEATH!

OH THE HORROR! REALITY TELEVISION IS NOW AN ACCEPTABLE CAREER!

According to Time Magazine, reality television is good for our culture and starring on one of these shows is a great career choice. Screw being the president, little girls! YOU NEED TO GET ON FLAVOR OF LOVE 4!!! Become president and they will just call you by your last name. Get on Flavor of Love and you might get called Pumpkin! I, like Time, believe reality television serves a purpose. In the wake of Survivor and CelebReality, scripted television entered its "golden age" because writers mocked the trashy genre. Simultaneously, Warhol's prophecies came to light... or so we thought. Heidi Montag's fame has seemed to gone from 15 minutes to 15,000 years. I love Warhol, trashy people, and scripted television, so I see reality TV as pop culture's savior from eternal sitcom boredom. Unfortunately, society has started to respect the folks on these shows. Rolling Stone now analyzes the importance of Jersey Shore and that Kate woman is getting a talk show. I love reality tv because it shows trashy outcasts acting fearlessly as themselves. I idolize these nut jobs because they ignore society and act like utter humans. They aren't afraid to spit in a face. Reality TV stars, at lease five years ago, were the same as Roman actors: disrespected, easy going, and themselves. They lived a scorn life while enjoying the freedom we all long to possess. The freedom to be ourselves. If we respect them, it's only a matter of time before old men in suits create lectures on New York and 8,000 wannabes kill each other to get into Yale's Lauren Conrad School of Professional Reality Catty Bitches. Pretentious jerks already ruined rock & roll. God, don't let them ruin Vh1.

Billy Corgan FINALLY Writes Another Good Song GO DOWNLOAD IT AT SMASHINGPUMPKINS.COM NOW!

While most middle schoolers in 2004 idolized Hillary Duff and Fifty Cent, I spend my nights worshiping to to stadium art metal pop of the Smashing Pumpkins a.k.a. Billy Corgan. Whereas Axl Rose and Courtney Love piss me off when they claim to "reunite" their band by surrounding themselves with five new musicians, I am fine with Corgan's new Smashing Pumpkins. D'Arcy and James Iha were a mere backing band for the art pop maestro. Of all the alt rockers, Corgan was and always will be the most ambitious and hit or miss. He only writes great and horrid songs. This bald goth man has never heard of mediocrity. Even when he falls flat on his ass, Corgan creates interestingly grand works of art. He is a true artist but reached his peak fifteen years ago. Even The Beatles could not follow up such an epic album like Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Adore was destined to disappoint us. On his next two studio efforts, nasty record labels destroyed his epic vision by forcing the great Corgan to be subtle and radiofriendly. Zeitgeist was okay and Machina sucked bald balls. Only the online release Machina II matched Gish and Siameis Dreams. With Corgan's new free 40+ song album, he has returned to greatness conceptually and thematically. He will release one song from the album each month. "Widow Wake My Mind," the second release, has a great refrain, great sound, and best of all, returns to that great Pumpkins atmosphere. 2010 is the return of 90's rock and Corgan has arrived with epic plans that may change the industry or fail beautifully. Either way, it sounds great!

I'm a Ramblin (Wo)Man

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Surprisingly, only some of these things have to do with Courtney Love.

First off, am I the only one to consider The Little Mermaid one of the greatest movies of all time? I know it's a "children's movie" but it's the only perfect movie I have ever seen. I would love to say I love naturalistic slice of life films, but I hate that crud. I get it. It's "philosophicl," but I don't go to the movies to here the Cohen brothers ramble around existential realism. I pay 7.88 to go to another world and see someone want something so desperately they would give up their life or their voice for it. I don't want backstory. I don't want pondering. I want a kick ass story that moves me to tears and reminds me of my own life without taking me anywhere near 44-1 realism. Not only does Mermaid take us "under the sea" (sorry, I couldn't resist that cheesy pun) and have the best structure in Hollywood history, it has a character, who's backstory we do not know, want a man. Just a man. She has the most simplest desire, but she wants it so badly, that it effects us more than The Hurt Locker's protagonist returning to war. Call me mainstream, but I prefer Disney movie sentimentality over some indie "brilliance" any day.

On another note, HOW THE FUCK DOES HOMOPHOBIA EXIST IN FIGURE SKATING? I know that their is an element of manliness to Plushenko's holy "quads," but sequins and spandex are not what most would calm typical machoness. How can the judges lower Johnny Weir's scores for his "outrageous behavior" (meaning homosexuality). How can you be too flamboyant in a sport revolving around classical French music and more spandex than an American Apparel? Weir gave the best skate of his life and came in seventh while Takahashi, who fell lat on his bum, gets the bronze? So what, if Weir doesn't hide back in Narnia? No one should be punished for dancing in joy with pride for themselves. Weir should be praised, not punished for his behavior. Why should we idolize Olympians who dim down their personalities? We should idolize the ones who pride themselves, not act like someone they're not.

Finally, everyone loves to bitch and whine about how much better the 60's, 80's, and 90's were in comparison to today. Do none of you realize you weren't even a sperm cell when Madonna played at the Diskotekka and Jimmy Hendricks breathed? None of us lived through the Regan years or attended Woodstock. We heard the myths, but never experienced the facts. Don't get me wrong. When I was in the seventh grade I dreamed of worshiping a rock music scene the way Gen X bowed down to grunge and the hippies danced to the Beatles. I am PISSED that the music gods cursed us with an awful pop-punk/emo scene that only has one good band, MCR, and 8,000 shitty bands such as, but not limited to, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, and The Rocket Summer. I'm glad we received two Madonna's (Britney and Gaga), a load of Disney starlets (Miley, Jonas, ext.) and a huge death (the Kind of Pop), but I really wanted a Kurt Cobain! But to have such a heterogenous generation, we had to sacrifice having a "voice" for our generation, the ipod generation. Luckily, the internet has opened every underground scene to the mainstream. If Gen X had the options to listen to freak folk, Brooklyn techno, trip hop, or British youtube stars in the early 90's, grunge would have just been another scene within the mainstream. We don't get a voice, but we get individualism and options. Who doesn't like that better? I don't have any desire to be a boomer or an xer. I love their icons, but I wouldn't love being them. Thank the lord, I'm in generation Y.

Mondays Suck Balls...But Listomaniacs Rock Socks

Because of Myspace, Youtube, and Facebook, the mainstream and underground scenes no longer exists. A thousand music genres have blended into one. Over the last five years, the music world has shifted from Fiddy's nasty ghetto candyshop to an eclectic world with a bit of everyone's taste. Elements of pop can now be found in freakfolk like Animal Collective and elements of freakfolk can be found in bubble pop like Ke$ha. Suddenly, pop has become the most thought provoking and interesting genre of them all. Pop hasn't been this over analyzed since The Beatles rocked Ed Sullivan. It's a gay teen's heaven. Here, are five artists that will surely rock the USA this year (some of them have already owned the Brit charts) and navigate the waters between thoughts and Y-100.

1.) LITTLE BOOTS. Sound like: Little Boots=pop perfection. She writes tunes equal to Gaga's but you don't need to watch an interview with Little Boots to discover their deeper meaning. Plus, she writes with The Human League. Ke$ha, Gaga, watch your backs.

Combines: Lyrics about obsessive lovers, power, and alcoholism usually reserved for jazz singers over electro instrumentals and Bowiesque stage shows.

Song to YouTube: "Stuck on Repeat"

2.) DAISY DARES YOU. Sounds like: Courtney Love meets Lady Gaga meets Ke$ha.

Combines: Punk rock, grunge, rap, and bubble pop.

Song to YouTube: "Number One Enemy"

3.) V.V. BROWN. Sounds Like: Imagine is Lady Gaga was black, signed to MoTown in 1963, and had great sense of entrepreneurship. Not only does Miss Brown deliver the singing chops, but she owns her own online clothing store. She's part designer before even earning fame. Her bank account and talent is something to watch out for.

Combines: Mary J. Blige with Mark Ronson soul.

Song to YouTube: Shark in the Water

4.) SOUND OF SPARROWS. Sounds Like: Imagine music that sounded like the DVD cover of The Never Ending Story and you get this band. It's famazing. Best on this list. DOWNLOAD THEM NOW SO YOU CAN TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS I TOLD YOU SO!

Song to YouTube: M.A.G.I.C.

5.) CLASS ACTRESS. Sounds Like: She emulates Madonna during her discotekka years but with a new wave ambiance. It's simultaneously Starbucks and nightclub music. Ear candy.

Combines: Early Madonna and Early Smiths

Song to YouTube: Let Me Take You Out

Tidbit Friday: Five Things ( Gaga, Little Boots, Hole, and more) That Made this Week AWESOME

5.) Lady Gaga unearthed her Monster Ball "musical," an electro pop arena style Broadway show that features a plot and new songs. Bring this to America, baby!

4.) When Disney released the names of the artists on the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack the blogosphere passed out. Luckily, none of the songs on Almost Alice are in the movie.

3.) Ultra phase two: Little Boots. Little Boots. Little Boots. That's all I have to say.

2.) Lilith Fair released it's lineup weeks ago, but my excitement just started building. Feminists might argue Ke$ha's credibility, but either way the fact that she is performing along side Cat Power and Norah Jones makes this tour the most anticipated of summer 2010.

1.) Hole's first concert in a decade met overwhelming positive reviews even surprise me. Spin declared the lineup change meaningless since the band was always about Courtney anyways, the concert received no negative press, and Love appears as sober as Dr. Drew. Combine this with her new record deal with Def Jam and the insane new single "Samantha," Courtney Love's return to the top of rock seems plausible. Grunge's biggest hot mess may become grunge's only happy ending. Move aside, Britney Spears, an even more shocking comeback is coming our way.

Major Music Labels Love to Have it Both Way With the Gays

Ever notice how many female singers' careers have depended on their gay fan base. It's no coincidence Cher, Madonna, Mariah, and Britney have had some of the lengthiest careers in pop history. Gays rarely turn on their idols. Just ask Britney Spears. She shaved her head, lost her kids, got institutionalized, and still sold out a tour a year later. She bombed at the VMAS and "Gimme More" still owned the charts. Major labels have noticed this and now market new artists as "gay icons." Silly labels, the gays, not the Sony corporation, make gay icons. Sure, some of these artists, such as Gaga, were icons before fame and should be marketed toward the gays, but just because Ke$ha, who earned a record deal because of "Right Round," not her work in gay bars, loves glitter doesn't mean she should be shoved down every gays' throat. She needs to work for her status. I'm not sure I believe her glittery image. I feel its a creation made to market her toward the gays. I believe Ke$ha supports, and deserve, to be a gay icon, but before "Tik Tok" got huge, she graced the cover of Out without a small gay following. She ain't no Lady Gaga who had a cult following before "Just Dance." Girl started in country! Gay culture is about being "a free bitch," not listening to some executive who wants our cash. The labels, who try to limit how often Mika gets to look "gay" on TV, can't market girls toward us and then not respect gay artists. Mika's new single and Gossip's major label debut got no promotion because of the artists' sexuality. Treat gays fairly and then try to sell us a product. You can't make our icons and then discriminate against us. Big labels, you can't have it both ways. Love us or hate us. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Courtney Love: Patron Saint of Alt Rock

She's been called Kurt's Nancy, . Nirvana's Yoko Ono, Selfish, Druggie and certifiable Hot Mess by her critics, and in some cases, they are right. Yet, these journalists, fans, and fellow musicians fail to point one thing out: Courtney Love is the only alt rocker to never sell out. Chris Cornell's solo career flopped, so, he united with Timbaland... even though he sings grunge. Sell out. Pearl Jam never broke up, so, they continued touring and charged big ticket prices... even though they "love their fans." Sell out. Courtney Love? She left Hole, became an Oscar worthy actress, gave that up, returned to Hole, pissed the world off, and never apologized. Alternative rock came to exist because music fans wanted something honest, something that never pretended to be something it is not. Cornell and Vedder act against their words. Love never said she rejected fame. She never consists with a label. She only consists with her current thought and ambition. She wanted to act, so, she acted. She wanted to quit, so, she quit. Courtney Love always remains true to herself even if it lands her on Rolling Stone's bad side. To quote her new album, she's "nobody's daughter" besides her own. While the rest of the alt rock community sells out to Ticket Master, she returns to Hole... without Hole... because she wants to do it. Maybe it's for money, but she never said she hated that either (cough Billy Corgan cough). Love her or hate her, but you can't look at the picture above and see her for what she is. She loves fame, loves herself, and doesn't give a shit about what you think about it because she owes you nothing. She remains true to herself. Nothing is more alternative than that.

P.S. Go buy the new spin. Their article on my girl Courtney ROCKS.

Making Tuesday Matter

By design, the days of the week flow in an extremely structural manner. God made Monday for us to hate because we go back to work, Wednesdays for us to breathe because the week is half way over, Thursdays for us to anticipate Friday, Friday for us to have fun, Saturdays to have even MORE FUN, and Sundays to relax before the week begins. What about Tuesday? It only exists so the other days' functions can exist. Other than that, it is just a day. Tuesday is as tragic as Hedda Gabler. It's the Greek heroine of the week. She lacks purpose and a chance to receive the devotion reserved for Friday and hate owned by Monday. Tuesday, like Brangelina saving an orphan, I will love you! I will make you matter by making you my favorite day of the week. Tuesdays will feature Teavana Tea Time with a friend I barely see and Roller Disco night. Tuesday, I'm ready for our life together.