I'm a Ramblin (Wo)Man

I've had a lot on my mind lately. Surprisingly, only some of these things have to do with Courtney Love.

First off, am I the only one to consider The Little Mermaid one of the greatest movies of all time? I know it's a "children's movie" but it's the only perfect movie I have ever seen. I would love to say I love naturalistic slice of life films, but I hate that crud. I get it. It's "philosophicl," but I don't go to the movies to here the Cohen brothers ramble around existential realism. I pay 7.88 to go to another world and see someone want something so desperately they would give up their life or their voice for it. I don't want backstory. I don't want pondering. I want a kick ass story that moves me to tears and reminds me of my own life without taking me anywhere near 44-1 realism. Not only does Mermaid take us "under the sea" (sorry, I couldn't resist that cheesy pun) and have the best structure in Hollywood history, it has a character, who's backstory we do not know, want a man. Just a man. She has the most simplest desire, but she wants it so badly, that it effects us more than The Hurt Locker's protagonist returning to war. Call me mainstream, but I prefer Disney movie sentimentality over some indie "brilliance" any day.

On another note, HOW THE FUCK DOES HOMOPHOBIA EXIST IN FIGURE SKATING? I know that their is an element of manliness to Plushenko's holy "quads," but sequins and spandex are not what most would calm typical machoness. How can the judges lower Johnny Weir's scores for his "outrageous behavior" (meaning homosexuality). How can you be too flamboyant in a sport revolving around classical French music and more spandex than an American Apparel? Weir gave the best skate of his life and came in seventh while Takahashi, who fell lat on his bum, gets the bronze? So what, if Weir doesn't hide back in Narnia? No one should be punished for dancing in joy with pride for themselves. Weir should be praised, not punished for his behavior. Why should we idolize Olympians who dim down their personalities? We should idolize the ones who pride themselves, not act like someone they're not.

Finally, everyone loves to bitch and whine about how much better the 60's, 80's, and 90's were in comparison to today. Do none of you realize you weren't even a sperm cell when Madonna played at the Diskotekka and Jimmy Hendricks breathed? None of us lived through the Regan years or attended Woodstock. We heard the myths, but never experienced the facts. Don't get me wrong. When I was in the seventh grade I dreamed of worshiping a rock music scene the way Gen X bowed down to grunge and the hippies danced to the Beatles. I am PISSED that the music gods cursed us with an awful pop-punk/emo scene that only has one good band, MCR, and 8,000 shitty bands such as, but not limited to, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, and The Rocket Summer. I'm glad we received two Madonna's (Britney and Gaga), a load of Disney starlets (Miley, Jonas, ext.) and a huge death (the Kind of Pop), but I really wanted a Kurt Cobain! But to have such a heterogenous generation, we had to sacrifice having a "voice" for our generation, the ipod generation. Luckily, the internet has opened every underground scene to the mainstream. If Gen X had the options to listen to freak folk, Brooklyn techno, trip hop, or British youtube stars in the early 90's, grunge would have just been another scene within the mainstream. We don't get a voice, but we get individualism and options. Who doesn't like that better? I don't have any desire to be a boomer or an xer. I love their icons, but I wouldn't love being them. Thank the lord, I'm in generation Y.

Mondays Suck Balls...But Listomaniacs Rock Socks

Because of Myspace, Youtube, and Facebook, the mainstream and underground scenes no longer exists. A thousand music genres have blended into one. Over the last five years, the music world has shifted from Fiddy's nasty ghetto candyshop to an eclectic world with a bit of everyone's taste. Elements of pop can now be found in freakfolk like Animal Collective and elements of freakfolk can be found in bubble pop like Ke$ha. Suddenly, pop has become the most thought provoking and interesting genre of them all. Pop hasn't been this over analyzed since The Beatles rocked Ed Sullivan. It's a gay teen's heaven. Here, are five artists that will surely rock the USA this year (some of them have already owned the Brit charts) and navigate the waters between thoughts and Y-100.

1.) LITTLE BOOTS. Sound like: Little Boots=pop perfection. She writes tunes equal to Gaga's but you don't need to watch an interview with Little Boots to discover their deeper meaning. Plus, she writes with The Human League. Ke$ha, Gaga, watch your backs.

Combines: Lyrics about obsessive lovers, power, and alcoholism usually reserved for jazz singers over electro instrumentals and Bowiesque stage shows.

Song to YouTube: "Stuck on Repeat"

2.) DAISY DARES YOU. Sounds like: Courtney Love meets Lady Gaga meets Ke$ha.

Combines: Punk rock, grunge, rap, and bubble pop.

Song to YouTube: "Number One Enemy"

3.) V.V. BROWN. Sounds Like: Imagine is Lady Gaga was black, signed to MoTown in 1963, and had great sense of entrepreneurship. Not only does Miss Brown deliver the singing chops, but she owns her own online clothing store. She's part designer before even earning fame. Her bank account and talent is something to watch out for.

Combines: Mary J. Blige with Mark Ronson soul.

Song to YouTube: Shark in the Water

4.) SOUND OF SPARROWS. Sounds Like: Imagine music that sounded like the DVD cover of The Never Ending Story and you get this band. It's famazing. Best on this list. DOWNLOAD THEM NOW SO YOU CAN TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS I TOLD YOU SO!

Song to YouTube: M.A.G.I.C.

5.) CLASS ACTRESS. Sounds Like: She emulates Madonna during her discotekka years but with a new wave ambiance. It's simultaneously Starbucks and nightclub music. Ear candy.

Combines: Early Madonna and Early Smiths

Song to YouTube: Let Me Take You Out

Tidbit Friday: Five Things ( Gaga, Little Boots, Hole, and more) That Made this Week AWESOME

5.) Lady Gaga unearthed her Monster Ball "musical," an electro pop arena style Broadway show that features a plot and new songs. Bring this to America, baby!

4.) When Disney released the names of the artists on the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack the blogosphere passed out. Luckily, none of the songs on Almost Alice are in the movie.

3.) Ultra phase two: Little Boots. Little Boots. Little Boots. That's all I have to say.

2.) Lilith Fair released it's lineup weeks ago, but my excitement just started building. Feminists might argue Ke$ha's credibility, but either way the fact that she is performing along side Cat Power and Norah Jones makes this tour the most anticipated of summer 2010.

1.) Hole's first concert in a decade met overwhelming positive reviews even surprise me. Spin declared the lineup change meaningless since the band was always about Courtney anyways, the concert received no negative press, and Love appears as sober as Dr. Drew. Combine this with her new record deal with Def Jam and the insane new single "Samantha," Courtney Love's return to the top of rock seems plausible. Grunge's biggest hot mess may become grunge's only happy ending. Move aside, Britney Spears, an even more shocking comeback is coming our way.

Major Music Labels Love to Have it Both Way With the Gays

Ever notice how many female singers' careers have depended on their gay fan base. It's no coincidence Cher, Madonna, Mariah, and Britney have had some of the lengthiest careers in pop history. Gays rarely turn on their idols. Just ask Britney Spears. She shaved her head, lost her kids, got institutionalized, and still sold out a tour a year later. She bombed at the VMAS and "Gimme More" still owned the charts. Major labels have noticed this and now market new artists as "gay icons." Silly labels, the gays, not the Sony corporation, make gay icons. Sure, some of these artists, such as Gaga, were icons before fame and should be marketed toward the gays, but just because Ke$ha, who earned a record deal because of "Right Round," not her work in gay bars, loves glitter doesn't mean she should be shoved down every gays' throat. She needs to work for her status. I'm not sure I believe her glittery image. I feel its a creation made to market her toward the gays. I believe Ke$ha supports, and deserve, to be a gay icon, but before "Tik Tok" got huge, she graced the cover of Out without a small gay following. She ain't no Lady Gaga who had a cult following before "Just Dance." Girl started in country! Gay culture is about being "a free bitch," not listening to some executive who wants our cash. The labels, who try to limit how often Mika gets to look "gay" on TV, can't market girls toward us and then not respect gay artists. Mika's new single and Gossip's major label debut got no promotion because of the artists' sexuality. Treat gays fairly and then try to sell us a product. You can't make our icons and then discriminate against us. Big labels, you can't have it both ways. Love us or hate us. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Courtney Love: Patron Saint of Alt Rock

She's been called Kurt's Nancy, . Nirvana's Yoko Ono, Selfish, Druggie and certifiable Hot Mess by her critics, and in some cases, they are right. Yet, these journalists, fans, and fellow musicians fail to point one thing out: Courtney Love is the only alt rocker to never sell out. Chris Cornell's solo career flopped, so, he united with Timbaland... even though he sings grunge. Sell out. Pearl Jam never broke up, so, they continued touring and charged big ticket prices... even though they "love their fans." Sell out. Courtney Love? She left Hole, became an Oscar worthy actress, gave that up, returned to Hole, pissed the world off, and never apologized. Alternative rock came to exist because music fans wanted something honest, something that never pretended to be something it is not. Cornell and Vedder act against their words. Love never said she rejected fame. She never consists with a label. She only consists with her current thought and ambition. She wanted to act, so, she acted. She wanted to quit, so, she quit. Courtney Love always remains true to herself even if it lands her on Rolling Stone's bad side. To quote her new album, she's "nobody's daughter" besides her own. While the rest of the alt rock community sells out to Ticket Master, she returns to Hole... without Hole... because she wants to do it. Maybe it's for money, but she never said she hated that either (cough Billy Corgan cough). Love her or hate her, but you can't look at the picture above and see her for what she is. She loves fame, loves herself, and doesn't give a shit about what you think about it because she owes you nothing. She remains true to herself. Nothing is more alternative than that.

P.S. Go buy the new spin. Their article on my girl Courtney ROCKS.

Making Tuesday Matter

By design, the days of the week flow in an extremely structural manner. God made Monday for us to hate because we go back to work, Wednesdays for us to breathe because the week is half way over, Thursdays for us to anticipate Friday, Friday for us to have fun, Saturdays to have even MORE FUN, and Sundays to relax before the week begins. What about Tuesday? It only exists so the other days' functions can exist. Other than that, it is just a day. Tuesday is as tragic as Hedda Gabler. It's the Greek heroine of the week. She lacks purpose and a chance to receive the devotion reserved for Friday and hate owned by Monday. Tuesday, like Brangelina saving an orphan, I will love you! I will make you matter by making you my favorite day of the week. Tuesdays will feature Teavana Tea Time with a friend I barely see and Roller Disco night. Tuesday, I'm ready for our life together.