An Open Letter to Madonna

Gaga's Curious Predicament, Queens' New Songs, and Other Lil Tidbits

In other news, its late September...which means NEW BRITNEY! Unlike Gaga, who has only partially accomplished her mission, Britney always deliver sultry slutty pop which never fails to shock. Already, conservatives are rallying around the mother having threesomes theme of "3." Britney constantly gives us the usual but its always the usual we least expect. Take note Gaga. You should take note too, Madonna. Your new song, "Revolver," sounds predictable and a tad Britney circa 2007. What happened to the envelope avant garde Madonna? Did she have to sell her soul to Weezy?

Cascada sure didn't. I considered them Eurotrash one hit wonders. I didn't even know what the lead singer looked like till today. Yet, "Evacuate the Dancerfloor" is on my sirius playlist. THE SONG ROCKS! Its got a one hit wonder quality from a two, three, maybe endless hit band. Hey Madonna, maybe you should copy Cascada, not Weezy!

I'm off! Toodles!

Best Week for Oprah (and us pop culture lovers) EvAaAaA!!!

So let's break down the amazingness of Oprah's premier week:

MONDAY: Whitney's all open interview. BOBBY BEAT HER!

TUESDAY: The amazing return of the diva in a stunning performance. Her daughter plans on entering the biz. Do we see a future gay icon? Uh hum.

WENDSDAY: MJ Tribute. Slightly boring but it got good ratings. MJ fever continues Oprah style!

THURSDAY: YOUR FATHER WAS A SERIAL KILLER! Classic, talk show glory.

FRIDAY: Mariah+screaming fans+ biggest fans get free trip, concert tix, and roll in video+ new book club selection+ Precious ads galore (it worked I bought the book)+ New York City+ The Mayor= EVERYTHING THAT IS BIG ABOUT OPRAH IN ONE EPISODE!

Now, this week has been pop culture overload. Then again, every week is pop overload. In past years, this overload has felt intimidating. Anyone remember the 2006 VMAS? THOSE SCREENS WERE GOING TO EAT US. But now, the pop is part of us. Sure, some are saying its all rehashes and negative (cough Stephen King cough) but in reality this is what Warhol always dreamed of. The avant garde meets commercial (Lady Gaga), rehashes get awesomer (90210, that stupid Goodbye song), and watercooler moments meet tribute to the King (who is excited for the rumored Janet/Madonna tribute concert? I AM!). Gaga pretty much represents this. Pop is everything now and she knows it.

We haven't advanced to the point where guilty pleasures loose their guilty quality unfortunately. Jennifer's Body bombed. We all love Megan Fox... just only me, some heteros, and some queens will admit it.

Till next time pop lovers....

I'm out.

She's Miss World. Please Don't Kill Her. I Want A Sequel!

Everyone has been hating on Diablo Cody's Jennifer's Body, and I'm not sure why. Is it her quick rise to fame, jealousy, the Megan Fox factor, or do people just not get it? It's probably all of the above. This movie works... a lot! Its a perfect combo of campy frights and funny catch lines. IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE CHEESY. It's not supposed to be Fellini. Alas, no one likes to have a good time anymore. We currently live in the most pop saturated time ever, yet, everyone wants to act serious. You are not stupid if you enjoy lines like "my tit." Maybe, some people just can't undergo a film which says something about teenagers and has cheesy gore galore. If only I lived in the 1980s.

Have I Read This Book, Yet? Nope, but I will blog about it!

I'm no fan of pulp lit. Okay, I'm a fan of SOME pulp lit, but I have to read this novel. I'm not sure I even want to. I probably will hate it. However, something inside of me, something deep within me, something probably called great marketing tactics has led me to believe I must, and trust me, I will, read this book. I know no spoilers, but I know the basic plot. Robert Langdon and a hot American chick (probably a student) investigate a murder leading to the discovery of THE LOST SYMBOL, which not only solves the crime, it changes the world! I hate formulas and James Bond, but holy guacamole does that formula make me excited! I preordered it on my kindle and on Tuesday morning it was there. Now tell me if you know anything more post-modern than preordering a downloaded copy of a formulaic rehash of James Bond Madonna vs. The Catholic Church, I mean the Masons, style? I don't. Got to go do homework and then KINDLE. (That's right I don't read pulp lip, I kindle that shit.) Peace lovers.

Whitney Houston Returns to Music With An Unexpected Album of Ballads and Modern Disco

Coarse, raspy, and vulnerable are not words typically used to describe Whitney Houston’s vocals. However, after a decade of reality television, drug abuse, and divorce, Houston has transformed her once perfect voice into an instrument damaged from neglect. Prior to her tabloid infamy, critics and fans adored her superhuman ability to emit feelings no one else could express. But when Miss Houston began her downward spiral much of the public rejected the diva, viewing the tarnishing of her voice as the selfish behavior of an ungrateful diva pampered for way too long.

Ironically, on I Look to You, her “comeback album,” Whitney may no longer hit high notes but for the first time in her career sounds oddly sympathetic and human. Clive Davis, Houston’s longtime mentor and executive producer, has crafted the album as a hip-hop boxing match balanced between up-tempo modern disco and sappy ballads. On the first five tracks, produced by hit makers Alicia Keys, R. Kelly, Akon, and Danja, Houston clearly struggles to belt the catchy refrain of girl power anthems like “Million Dollar Bill.” Throughout these feel good jams, Whitney attempts to convince us that she’s still the curly haired girl who stole our hearts with “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” “I want you to love me/like I never left,” she begs us; and for the first half of the album it seems like the old Whitney has left us forever, leaving us with an unconfident diva battling for survival in a radio ready boxing match against the trends of the new Millennium.

But as her mentor Clive Davis said, it only takes one great song to return to the top of charts, and with “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength,” Whitney stands a chance at reclaiming her legacy. On this gorgeous hymn penned by Dianne Warren, Houston feels no need to attempt to sang in 1990, but instead allows her emotions to come thru in a simple hymn expressing her ability to survive her greatest challenges. “I was not built to break,” she claims and on the next few tracks on her album she returns to her confidant glory.

On the club ready “Worth It” and break up jam “Salute,” Whitney accepts her raspy voice and flows with R. Kelly’s rhythms, clearly having a good time in the sound booth. Whitney may struggle to hit the notes and her voice might sound more Amy Winehouse than Chaka Khan, but between her raw honesty and the slight schadenfreude, Whitney Houston delivers a solid hit worthy record, which may not reclaim her thrown, but reinvents her as a tragic figure rising from her challenges as a new and different Whitney Houston.

Greatest Week For Pop Culture Ever? Maybe, just, Maybe!

This week I'm going to blog about three of the most important moments in pop culture history which happen to be taking place THIS WEEK: the VMAS, Whitney's comeback, and The Lost Symbol. Yes, that is a book.

FINALLY! The VMA'S return to their trashy, avant garde glory. For the first time since 2003 I'm going to remember the Video Awards for some glorious moment of pop history, not an epic Britney with blonde weave and pig belly hot train wreck of a disaster. Ever since the show travelled to Miami for a structureless and Diddy filled in the round show, the VMAS have lost their trade mark spunk and controversy. As ratings fell, MTV attempted to regain viewers by "reinventing the show," which only led to claustrophobic performances in hotel rooms and bloated IMAX screens floating over Timbaland's head. Even worse, they hired actors and Diddy, not stand up comedians, to host the show.

However, with a return to Radio City and a more simplistic stage design the show has reclaimed its title as most pointless and entertaining award show of all time. Madonna kicked off the spectacle with an emotional and honest eulogy for MJ. Unlike his epic memorial, she sounded sincere and recognized how we abandoned him. Then his sister delivered a flawless performance of "Scream" after impersonators performed a medley of "Thriller," "Bad," and "Smooth Criminal." A screen shot of MJ and his sister from the song's video summed up this expression of sisterly love. Finally, a Jackson delivers a tribute aimed at celebrating their brother, not their own career. This moment will be remembered as one of the most sincere moments of the show.

As everyone knows Kanye made a fool of himself. He now joins the ranks of the dude from Rage Against the Machine and Eminem as the VMA village idiot. Blame the Hennisy, Kanye!

Gaga summed up the nights return to amazingness. Her outrageous costume changes (4 BLOODY OUTFITS), self mutilation, remix of Paparazzi, and shout out to "God and the Gays" recalls the best moments of Britney and Madonna, the VMA queens! More on this on my weekend post about pop culture right now. Jay Z's performance now ranks with other respectable Jay Z performances which catapulted his singles to the #1 spot.

Only thing missing from the show was Britney. She symbolizes the show after all. Hopefully next year, she brings back her controversy filled performances. After all, she's been quite a good girl lately!