Five Musicians Who Piss Me Off

1.) Dear M.I.A., I honestly enjoy your music even though it all sounds the same. I know you're all "avant garde" and "non conformist" and shot, but it seems to me that you WISH you were as famous as Lady Gaga. Your noise is just as mainstream as her disco. You gave "Paper Planes" to a fucking Judd Apatow movie, honey. You have no right to say she steals when you sound like other artists too. Sounds to me like you are a BIT JEALOUS because your label prefers Gaga over you.

2.) Dr. Luke, mastermind behind Ke$ha, offered Uffie the chance to sign onto a major label and have him produce her American debut. Instead, you did a load of drugs and said no. Sure, Ke$ha and Luke ripped you off, but you were too lazy to make hit singles. You preferred to PaArTyY it up and now you've released this generic crud: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on7P2GZvD4c&feature=related Uffie, you were brilliant enough to have someone blatantly rip your singles off! Why are you trying to sound like an electro wannabe? YOU WERE THE REAL THING, GIRL FRIEND!

3.) Grace Jones was a disco performance artist decades before Gaga hit the scene. Now, she steals from him a little and he hates her. She stole an outfit and Grace goes NUTS. Like M.I.A., she's just jealous. Gaga is everything she wishes she was: a brilliant chart topping songwriter with a knack for performance art.

4.) Billy Corgan is nuts or brilliant. He sings Dylanesque songs that sound nothing like the Pumpkins, believes he can levitate to Jessica Simpson's house, and replaced his band mates with an eighteen year old and sixty year old man. Yet, his new songs rock. I just can't decide if history will call him a burnt out has been chasing after glory or a fallen rock God who composed song of the most beautiful songs of his career that no one heard that later became classics. Maybe, he could become both.

5.) I'm not sure who B.o.B. is but I see his songs on the top of itunes, preview them, and they suck. I hate when labels take a new style and make shitty catchy forgettable songs with it. UGH.

Ray of Light: A Reflection on Madonna's Songwriting Skills, The New Crystal Castles, and Glee

First off, my blog is currently fucked up and won't let me post images. So here is the link to the album cover I'm talking about when I referance Crystal Castles:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:CrystalCastles2010Album.jpg

The new Rolling Stone Magazine issue features the Black Eyed Peas on the cover under a headline that says "40 Great Things About Rock." That's funny. The Peas sing electro influenced pop, not classic rock. Yet, what IS ROCK? Rock encompasses punk, indie, classic, southern, and many other genres. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame includes Madonna and Abba. Rock seems to mean sexualized, slightly rebellious, fun music that the majority of people listen to on their radio. Real rock involves rebellion and thought. Madonna, the queen of Pop whether you like it or not, sings disco pop but has written more rebellious avant garde song than any rock singer in the past thirty years. "Papa Don't Preach," "Oh, Father," "I'm So Stupid," and the whole "Ray of LIght" album feature different styles and say SOMETHING. These songs are universal. Everyone knows them. Sure, they are commercial, sexual, shock for shock sake occasionally, but that's what's rock is. Rock means fearlessness. She's more rock and roll than Axl or Bruce. Plus, she aimed for fortune so she can never ever sell out. Hence, tonight's Glee. It's a commercial show but the writing is KILLER. I'm addicted. You should be.

Rock & Roll ain't dead, mother fuckers. It's alive and well in British techno. On their new track, "Vietnam," Cyrstal Castles blends melody, complex composition, and synths into a meaningfully punk and catchy song. I'm not sure what the song talks about, it's noise, but beneath the ambiance... there's something you can feel. Look at that album cover! It fits in with every great rock album cover. Rock ain't about guitar. It's a philosophy, you bored bitches.

Please Don't Die, Album (For Everyone at Wannee Right Now)

Don't know if you've heard, but Roger Waters plans on performing the whole "Wall" album this fall. I LOVE LOVE LOVE albums. LIke a collection of poetry or a painter's concentration, it presents a collection revolving around one theme, story, idea, or sound. Because of itunes (a.k.a. my old best friend. Download Mp3's on Amazon, bitches. It's mad cheaper) the album may be going the way of painting: no one cares besides artists, critics, and nerds with blogs.

I'm listening to "Ziggy Stardust and the Spider from Mars" at the moment. Songs bleed into each other, creating a lovely story. In the last few years only "The Fame" and "Blackout" have accomplished the same effect as classic albums. Instead of surrounding brilliant singles with airless filler, Britney and Lady Gaga created masterpieces about Warholian fame and breakdowns in the 21st century. Other than that, I just hear crud or brilliance no one buys... or illegally downloading.

This month David Bryne and Fat Boy Slim released "Here Lies Love," a concept album featuring Tori Amos, Cyndi Lauper, and more about the former first lady of the Philippines. It's a techno Evita. This proves to everyone at Wannee right now that electro is just as intelligent as Pink Floyd, Phish, or any bluegrass band. This album says as much as a Tolstoy album. Bryne writes as complex as Bach wrote his operas. IT DEFINES ART. Unfortunately, no one will hear it. Only us nerds will dance in it's electro glory.

Perhaps, itunes has helped the album redefine itself. In our singles nation, no one will eventually write an album unless they want to say something. May itnues saved the album. Frankly, I can't see Fatboy writing "Here Lies Love" in 1998.

Christina Aguilera: First Casualty of the New Pop Era

With every new decade, many stars try to keep up with the latest trends. Some fail, such as Paula Abdul and Micheal Jackson, while others bumb new starlets off the charts like Madonna. It's looks like Christina "Insert Latest Nickname Here" Aguilera belongs in the former category. In the four years since Back to Basics pop has gone from following the sounds urban clubs to embracing the melodies and glitter of a gay club. Pop is now either wonderfully pretentious about it's ridiculousness or just plain fun. Disco influenced albums like The Fame are now Warholian philosophy concept albums. Even Ke$ha finds her Jack Daniel's bottle philisophically. For older artists, like Rihanna, this has been hit ("Rude Boy") and miss (that song you already forgot about a Russian gun). The new "Bionic" Aguilera has forgotten that "Xtina" was one of the original thought provoking sex kittens. She made her sexual exploration a feminist ralling call. Yet, on "Not Myself Tonight" she attempts to be Gaga, but sounds like another Britney wannabe. Britney belongs to the Americana landscape. Her blabber about "Peter, Paul, and Mary" reflects America. Christina, who once passed Gaga as another wannabe, now tries to act Gaga's role, but forgets that Gaga owns a brain. Christina's rambling about partying just comes across as executive created boredom. She is an artist. If the "Bionic Xtina" doesn't embrace more thought she may face the fate of Paula or the toy rock.