Her Career Could Use A Little Bump

For those of you that don’t know, last night ABC Family premiered Lindsey Lohan's first movie in over two years, albeit a TV one. In Labor Pains, Lohan's first anything besides a line of coke and leggings brand since the disastrous I Know Who Killed Me, she stars as a hard working secretary who fakes a pregnancy to keep her job. I'll be honest, its not her worse movie, but I also didn't finish it. It was just another TV movie. The screenplay lacked substance and for a film originally intended for the big screen why did the cinematographer focus on close-ups?

One has to wonder if the advertising company who created Pains's "Her career could use a little bump" tagline as an ironic allusion to Lohan's fall from the new Molly Ringwald turned Julia Robins to the new Tatum O' Neal turned into every other child star. Why Lohan, a talented actress once poised to be Hollywood's biggest star in a decade, chose this crappy screenplay instead of summer blockbuster The Hangover, as her comeback vehicle is a mystery to everyone. She can't blame it on her agent (she got her the other gig via a mutual client) and she can't blame it on the media. She can only blame it on herself. From dying her hair blonde to starring in Killed Me it seems Lindsey Lohan hates the girl deep within her ninety pound body America undeniably at one point loved. Although Lohan's family first caused the self-destruction, which ignited the crashing train known as the second half of her career, Lindsey is an adult and it is only she who is destroying the charming girl within.

Unlike other twenty something year old has beens, such as Misha Barton, I rooted for Lohan as I watched ten minutes of this forgettable film because she has a genuine (but unused) appeal. It's not like she can't have a comeback- fucking Britney Spears came back from “Gimme More”- but if she does not dump Samantha Ronson, ditch the coke, and disappear for a year before triumphantly returning in a small, yet show stealing performance in a Judd Apatow comedy along with her old trademark fiery red hair she's destine to avoid her destiny and become Sean Young instead of Lindsey Lohan, the red headed adult megastar of the twenty-first century.